Mastectomy with or without reconstruction can have an enormous impact on your emotions. It was explained to me by a nurse that our bodies grieve the loss which might cause an intense emotional response post-surgery. Many women say they cried every day for 5 or six days post-surgery. Their tears just turning on and they experienced deep feelings of dread and fear. There are many stages of adjustment after undergoing a mastectomy and then more adjustments as time goes by as you begin to accept your new breasts.
What's normal?
Mourning the loss of part of your body is a normal response. Expect tears at some stage as you begin to accept what you have been through. You may be still adjusting from a diagnoses of breast cancer, you might be fragile after undergoing your reconstruction.
Two moments many women find they become overcome with tears and sadness are the week following the surgery and later when they see their bodies without dressings.
Mourning the loss of part of your body is a normal response. Expect tears at some stage as you begin to accept what you have been through. You may be still adjusting from a diagnoses of breast cancer, you might be fragile after undergoing your reconstruction.
Two moments many women find they become overcome with tears and sadness are the week following the surgery and later when they see their bodies without dressings.
- The week following surgery - hospital can be a scary place, its busy and not usually quiet. You will be sore, feeling grubby, being told to get up and start walking about, you might be lonely and a long way from home, you will be juggling drains and drips. This whole picture is fairly grim, so it is no wonder we feel sad and cry. Those experienced ladies who have been there will say "it's doable", and it is, it's just that it takes time. Be kind to yourself and gather your troupes around you to help you through.
- Later when the bandages come off - when you go home you will likely be still under some kind of dressings or compression garment. You will spend the first few weeks managing your pain and if you have a donor site, you will be struggling with standing up straight, or sitting or lying down comfortably. Whatever your reconstruction procedure, you will be having some recovery challenges. Eventually you will get things under control and manage any pain. This is when your focus might turn to your body and what has physically happened to you. You might be looking at yourself and taking stock of what you see. This can trigger another emotional front. The realisation of what has happened can come as a shock and you might feel sad and angry all over again.
"I found it exhausting dealing with my self-esteem issues and hating my body post-surgery. To give myself a break I wore a crop top day and night sometimes for up to a week. This helped me feel a bit normal when I glanced in the mirror, and also allowed me to notice the subtle changes in my body as my new breasts settled over the months. I love my body again, but it has taken ages." Online group member |
Sharing how you are feeling can help to understand that your feelings are normal and are a part of a grieving and acceptance that your body goes through.
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Looking long term
Recovery from breast reconstruction is different for everyone and also depends on the type of procedure you have had. Usually you will be signing up for at least one revision surgery to get the shape and volume right or to have your remaining breast reshaped to match your reconstructed breast. Surgeries and recovery after each surgery can mean that it takes many months to reach a point when you feel like you are complete. At the same time you may be navigating treatment for cancer or other personal challenges. Its important to understand that healing, physically and emotionally, takes a long time for many women.
Getting used to your new body
You might quite like your new perky breasts and some ladies get the added bonus of a flat tummy. But most women seem to find dressing in both the underwear department and clothing can be interesting. It might be a good opportunity to do some shopping because unless your new breasts are the same size as your originals, your clothes might not fit. Many women no longer wear a bra, this can be a wonderful relief after years of strapping yourself in.
Intimacy challenges
Eventually you will feel lovely and sexy again, but you might need to work with your partner to adjust to your new body and how it works. It might take a little while but time and love heals these wounds.
Mastectomy and reconstruction affects our partners too. In the whirlwind of a breast cancer diagnosis our loving partners are there for us. They are great at being stoic and managing in whatever way they can, but no doubt the changes to your body are having an impact on them. They too will grieve the loss of your breasts and the changes occurring to your body. Simply acknowledging this sense of loss for them can help enormously with both yours and their recovery.
Getting used to your new body
You might quite like your new perky breasts and some ladies get the added bonus of a flat tummy. But most women seem to find dressing in both the underwear department and clothing can be interesting. It might be a good opportunity to do some shopping because unless your new breasts are the same size as your originals, your clothes might not fit. Many women no longer wear a bra, this can be a wonderful relief after years of strapping yourself in.
Intimacy challenges
Eventually you will feel lovely and sexy again, but you might need to work with your partner to adjust to your new body and how it works. It might take a little while but time and love heals these wounds.
Mastectomy and reconstruction affects our partners too. In the whirlwind of a breast cancer diagnosis our loving partners are there for us. They are great at being stoic and managing in whatever way they can, but no doubt the changes to your body are having an impact on them. They too will grieve the loss of your breasts and the changes occurring to your body. Simply acknowledging this sense of loss for them can help enormously with both yours and their recovery.
Eventually you will feel lovely and sexy again, but you might need to work with your partner to adjust to your new body and how it works. It might take a little while but time and love heals these wounds.
