25th June 2014 'Twas the night before surgery and all through the house not a creature was stirring not even a mouse!!!! Well Chris was stirring... I am still up, I hope I can sleep soon - thinking about all that has transpired to get to this point! It has taken several months to get here and started after a routine mammogram - one I have done regularly every year due to my mother having had breast cancer, this one seemed more important this year as my niece has also been beating the crap out of this horrid thing. Several procedures later to get a definitive answer about your diagnosis and many weeks of waiting... I don't think anything really prepares you for this diagnosis and the emotional strain it places on all those close to you. This thing inside me starts out microscopic, I couldn't feel it I could not see it, only a mammogram had the potential to find it. Thankfully I was having regular check ups. Left undetected it would have grown and potentially invaded my entire body - a stealthy silent killer. |
I have spent the last couple of months it seems consumed by this thing, researching, asking questions, appointments, tests, procedures to get to this point, all the while trying to stay " normal" a normal life, be happy, do my job. There have been moments when it has been really hard but I have been thankful that I have a lot of support, good friends, a great family and I have avoided some of the more revolting treatments that are often associated with cancer.
Tonight I say farewell to two dear friends
I am thankful for the medical advances that have been made that allow me to have choices in relation to my treatment and consideration of the emotional and psychological impact that the diagnosis and treatment will have on my well being.
Tonight I say farewell to two dear friends who have been with me most of my life.
They have let me down now but there was a time they looked great in a bikini, provided great cleavage in a low cut top, fed my children, and were great pillows for my grand children to rest their sleepy heads. They have been decorated in style and have provided entertainment and comfort.
I know for my long term health and well being they must go but saying goodbye is perhaps one of the hardest decisions I have had to make. Electing for immediate reconstruction is not vanity or cosmetic - it's about what I need to do for me... So I am able to look at my image in the mirror and feel comfortable in my own skin. I have not underestimated the impact that this process will have and it will be in reality probably 12 months as a work in progress, and it is bigger than just the physical recovery.
I have agreed to take part in a research study into breast cancer so at least the tissue taken tomorrow once pathology is completed will be held in a tissue lab so that further research can be done in relation to this horrible disease and hopefully improve outcomes for future generations. A more noble end for the girls than the bin me thinks!!!
I am thankful for the medical advances that have been made that allow me to have choices in relation to my treatment and consideration of the emotional and psychological impact that the diagnosis and treatment will have on my well being.
Tonight I say farewell to two dear friends who have been with me most of my life.
They have let me down now but there was a time they looked great in a bikini, provided great cleavage in a low cut top, fed my children, and were great pillows for my grand children to rest their sleepy heads. They have been decorated in style and have provided entertainment and comfort.
I know for my long term health and well being they must go but saying goodbye is perhaps one of the hardest decisions I have had to make. Electing for immediate reconstruction is not vanity or cosmetic - it's about what I need to do for me... So I am able to look at my image in the mirror and feel comfortable in my own skin. I have not underestimated the impact that this process will have and it will be in reality probably 12 months as a work in progress, and it is bigger than just the physical recovery.
I have agreed to take part in a research study into breast cancer so at least the tissue taken tomorrow once pathology is completed will be held in a tissue lab so that further research can be done in relation to this horrible disease and hopefully improve outcomes for future generations. A more noble end for the girls than the bin me thinks!!!
This is the start of the next part of the journey
This is the start of the next part of the journey, and there are still many steps to take, this is just the biggest leap.
The technical term for this big step... Bilateral skin sparing mastectomy with immediate expander reconstruction. This is a 3 or 4 hour surgical procedure all things going well. I will be sore for a while and am marginally reassured that I will wake up with pain medication via IV drip with me able to press the button for more.
Am I brave? Am I strong? You tell me I am - I am not so sure. I know I am determined that I will do whatever it takes to rid my body of this disease, minimize the risk of return so that instead of looking over my shoulder constantly in dread in case it should return - I am looking forward confident that I will have a future watching my family grow and enjoying life - every precious moment of it.
What is your lesson? Go and have that overdue check up - prevention and early detection are your greatest friend! Yes a mammogram is uncomfortable, so are some of the other procedures we need to go through to check our health. I will say to you "suck it up and get it done" it is the blink of an eye and could save your life. It did for me.
This is the start of the next part of the journey, and there are still many steps to take, this is just the biggest leap.
The technical term for this big step... Bilateral skin sparing mastectomy with immediate expander reconstruction. This is a 3 or 4 hour surgical procedure all things going well. I will be sore for a while and am marginally reassured that I will wake up with pain medication via IV drip with me able to press the button for more.
Am I brave? Am I strong? You tell me I am - I am not so sure. I know I am determined that I will do whatever it takes to rid my body of this disease, minimize the risk of return so that instead of looking over my shoulder constantly in dread in case it should return - I am looking forward confident that I will have a future watching my family grow and enjoying life - every precious moment of it.
What is your lesson? Go and have that overdue check up - prevention and early detection are your greatest friend! Yes a mammogram is uncomfortable, so are some of the other procedures we need to go through to check our health. I will say to you "suck it up and get it done" it is the blink of an eye and could save your life. It did for me.
Well it was nearly 18 months of breast reconstruction but I made it - new beginnings for me in 2016 including a new job. I am stronger and still determined to help others to take those steps. I can't believe it was 2 years ago.